those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
