I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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