Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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