fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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