My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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