A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
sex in a hospital.. check
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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