We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
