Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
