I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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