uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
