after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
