Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
