You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
