I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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