just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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