About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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