So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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