Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
