What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
