sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
