i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
