Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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