she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
