idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
