the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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