I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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