I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
