I want to make a zoo with you.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
