i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
