i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
