she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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