This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
