We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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