Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
These tits shall not be calmed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
