Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
