she kept yelling 'call me bella'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
