then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
