didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
