exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
