I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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