i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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