it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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