talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Two words: blizzard sex
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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