were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
