Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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