how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
