when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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