also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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