That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
