sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Found the puke drawer
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
