My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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