i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
