So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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