How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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