No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
