drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
